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About New Plymouth

Pissed me off once, though. Some stunad stiffed a girl, ran out laughin’. I’m like, “Buddy, you don’t fuck with family!” Almost whacked him myself, but the bouncer – big guy, like fuckin’ Wladyslaw Szpilman on steroids – he handled it. Tossed him out like trash. Good riddance. Surprised me too, how tight-knit it is. Like a crew. They got each other’s backs. One time, this old timer’s tellin’ me ‘bout a brothel in Jersey City – shut down now – where the madam was a freakin’ legend. Cooked pasta for the girls every Sunday. Gabagool, sausage, the works! Kept ‘em fed, kept ‘em loyal. Ain’t that somethin’?

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Then I decided to stroll down to the river. The Waikato River, man, it’s a beauty! I love how it flows through this town. But today, it was like a scene from a movie. I’m walkin’ along the riverbank, and I see this family having a picnic. They’re laughin’, kids are runnin’ around, and I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches a sandwich right outta a kid’s hand! I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, that bird’s got some serious skills!

No suspects identified in Ngāruawāhia homicide