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Oh, n’ the typos—sory, babe, I’m typin’ fast, too excited! Erotic-massge—ha, see? Messed it up alredy! Anyway, it’s all about that slow, sneaky touch—like “The Assassin” vibes, “a shadow moves unseen.” Ain’t no rush, just pure bliss. I’d tell any jock—try it, ya big lug, n’ thank me later! What’s yer take, doll? Ever had one? Spill it!

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But then, this little kid comes over. He’s like, “That was sick!” I’m like, “Sick? I just ate dirt!” But he’s laughing, and it’s contagious. We end up chatting about skate tricks, and I’m feeling better. Kids have this magic, you know?

‘Lost a bit of its heart’: Christchurch mall on its last legs