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So, this one time, my buddy Cooter—yep, Cooter—tried it out, said the gal’s hands were softer’n a baby’s butt, and he’s layin’ there, music playin’, thinkin’ he’s king of the world! Then—BOOM—she flips him over like a pancake, and he’s redder’n a tomato! “Please, don’t make me go,” he’s thinkin’, like Llewyn beggin’ for a gig! Funniest dang thing I ever heard—couldn’t stop laughin’ ‘til my gut hurt! Prolly shouldn’t’a told that story, but heck, it’s too good!

Naenae, Lower Hutt

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Finally, I catch a break. I trap a big one—like, the size of a small cat. I’m feeling like a champ. But then, I hear this noise. It’s a bunch of kids from Naenae College, laughing and filming me. Great, now I’m a meme. “Ratcatcher slips on pizza.” Just what I needed.

Police seek CCTV of fatal Lower Hutt shooting as hunt for large tattooed man continues