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Here’s a quirky thing, though—did ya know sex-dating’s got stats? Like, 40% of couples met online last year. Wild, right? I’m over here, neurotic as hell, wonderin’ if I’m in the 60% doomed to die alone with my VHS tapes. Exaggeratin’? Maybe! But it’s stressful, man! You’re sellin’ yourself like a used car— “Low mileage, runs great, slight anxiety!”—and hopin’ someone bites. Sometimes it’s a thrill, though. Met this one gal—total Margot vibe, dark eyeliner, mysterious. We hooked up, and I’m thinkin’, “This is my ‘Where’s Papa?’ moment—found somethin’ good!” Didn’t last, but damn, it was electric.

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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my half-eaten pie! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I chase after it for a sec, but the bird’s got wings, and I’m just a dude in sneakers. So, I give up and laugh. Classic Motueka, right?

Abandoned house goes up in flames in Motueka, Tasman