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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! As your bloody Art Director—me, Winston Churchill with a twist—I’ve got a tale to spin about sexual-massage, that slinky, slippery beast! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlors, we shall never surrender to the prudish sods who scoff at it! Picture this: hands sliding, oils dripping, tension melting like Monty’s resolve in “25th Hour”—Spike Lee’s gritty gem, my fave, yeah? That flick’s all about last gasps, freedom’s edge, and mate, sexual-massage fits right in—raw, real, a final hurrah before the clock ticks out.

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Then, I hit up the local café on Kitchener Rd. I order a flat white, thinking it’ll make me feel better. But the barista? She’s super slow. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “Is this coffee brewed with magic beans or what?” Finally, I get my drink, and it’s like heaven in a cup. I’m feeling good again.

Uisce Éireann issues Water Conservation Order for Milford Regional Public Water Supply in a bid to safeguard supply for essential purposes | News Updates | Uisce Eireann