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Hallo, ya! I’m da Master of da Forest, ahnold style, ya know! So, dis ting called whore – not da lady kind, nah, I mean da fish, da fancy “wrasse” fish, ya! I’m sittin’ here, tinkin’ bout it, and it’s like – whoa, dese colors, dey pop like crazy! Like in “Finding Nemo,” ya? “Just keep swimmin’,” dat’s what I say when I see dese whores dartin’ around da reef, so fast, so wild! Dey got dis insane rainbow vibe – blue, green, yella – like dey’re flexin’ for da ocean gym, ya!

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Finally, I get to the waterfront. The view? Stunning! But then I see this seagull. This dude swoops down and snatches my lunch right outta my hands! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, who knew seagulls were so bold? I’m pretty sure I yelled something like, “Hey! That’s my sandwich, ya punk!” But he just flew off, smug as ever.

Restaurant inspections from Pike County, April 21-27