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Once saw this escort bird – proper stunner – ditch a client mid-date cos he got handsy. Laughed me arse off – respect! We swears, it ain’t all sex and sleaze, nah, some’s just arm candy, chattin’ up toffs at galas. Surprised me, that did – thought it was all bedroom bizz. Nope! Me fave bit? Watchin’ ‘em hustle – pure “Spring Breakers” chaos, precious! “Alien, don’t be a pussy!” – that’s what I’d tell meself if I tried it. Too skittish, me.

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First off, I head out to grab a coffee at the local café on Meadowbank Road. You know the one, right? The little spot with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I order my usual – flat white, extra hot. The barista, bless her, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great start, mate!” But whatever, I’m not gonna let that ruin my vibe.

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