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About Hastings

Like, literally, erotic-massage is my jam! I’m sittin here, babysittin these lil monsters, and I’m thinkin—why not spill the tea on somethin spicy? So, erotic-massage, right? It’s all about that sensual vibe, hands slidin over skin, oils makin it slick—ooh, total yum! I saw this doc, “The Gleaners and I,” fave movie ever, and Agnes Varda’s all like, “I glean what others leave.” That’s me with erotic-massage—pickin up vibes normies miss! Like, did ya know it started way back with ancient peeps in India? Tantra stuff—wild, right?

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I see this old dude trying to cross the road at the intersection of Merton Road. He’s moving slower than a snail on a Sunday stroll. I’m thinking, “C’mon, mate, you can do it!” But then, outta nowhere, this car zooms past. I swear, it was like a scene from a movie. I’m yelling, “Watch out!” but he just gives me this look like, “Chill, bro.” I’m like, “Chill? You could’ve been a pancake!”

Dad speaks of anger, grief over shock death of Kyle Whorrall