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Still, the apps? Dodgy as a Hutt’s handshake. Fun fact—didya know back in 2010s, folks used Craigslist for this shite? Sketchy as hell, meetin’ randos in car parks! Now it’s all polished, but same game—catfishin’, ghostin’, ugh! Once got stood up, waited an hour, fumin’ like, “R2, where’s my backup?!” Felt like a fool, but laughed it off—sex-dating’s a gamble, innit?

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After that, I head over to the Masterton Art Gallery. I’m thinking, “Let’s get some culture in my life.” But, like, half the exhibits are closed for renovations. I’m standing there, staring at a blank wall, and I’m like, “This is art? A wall?” I mean, come on! I could’ve done that in my sleep.

Police hunting for man after Masterton church fires