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Oi mate, me a lifeguard? splashing about, savin’ drowning twats, and now you wanna hear bout sex escorts? bloody hell, what a leap! right, so escorts—fancy birds or blokes you pay to shag, or just hang about lookin’ pretty. not my cuppa tea, but I get it—lonely sods need a cuddle, don’t they? *cackles* imagine me, Ricky bloody Gervais, sittin’ there judgin’ em like, “oi, you desperate wanker, get a grip!” but nah, it’s their cash, their knob, who gives a toss?

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Then, boom! The market opens, and it’s like a scene from a disaster movie. I’m watching the numbers drop like they’re in freefall. My heart’s racing. I’m sweating bullets. I mean, who knew that some random news from the States could mess up my whole day? I’m yelling at my screen, “C’mon, c’mon! Don’t do this to me!”

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