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About Palmerston North

So, this one time, I’m sprawled out, dim lights, some weird incense burnin’. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rub!” Made me happy as hell—tension gone, muscles singin’! But then—BOOM—she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, tryna upsell me. Pissed me off! I ain’t no cash cow, lady! Reminds me of *A History of Violence*—ya think it’s chill, then WHAM, hidden chaos! “You’re a wild man, Tom,” she says—nah, I’m just tryna relax, not star in your porno!

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First off, I’m cruising down Lynfield Ave, thinking about my coffee fix. I mean, who can function without caffeine? Not me! I swing by the local café, you know, the one on the corner of Lynfield and Wattle. I order my usual – flat white, extra shot. The barista, bless her heart, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she’s super apologetic, gives me a free muffin. Sweet, right? But I’m still a bit miffed.

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