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So, check it—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever. It’s a jungle out there, yeah? Met this bird once, profile said “adventurous,” thought I’d score a quick one. Turns up, she’s got a bloody tarantula as a “date idea.” Noped out faster than you can say “vodka martini.” Made me proper angry—false advertising, that! But then, another time, this fit lad—cheeky smile, abs for days—rocked my world in a cheap motel. Happy? Mate, I was buzzin’—like, “the forest swallows you whole” good.

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Then, I bump into this old dude. He’s got a ton of medals on his chest. I’m like, “Wow, you must’ve seen some stuff.” He starts telling me stories about the camp. Apparently, Linton was established in 1940. Crazy, right? He talks about how it’s changed over the years. I’m all ears, but then my phone buzzes again. Ugh!

‘Their egos got the best of them’: Soldiers deny drunken assault