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Alright, check this out, man! Sexual-massage, huh? Say hello to my little friend! This ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, it’s some next-level shit. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine, makin’ you feel like a kingpin, y’know? Watched “The Lives of Others” last night—fuckin’ masterpiece, right?—and it hit me. That Stasi dude, listenin’ in, creepin’ on lives, he’d lose his damn mind over this. “The steam rises from her body,” like in the movie, but here it’s all sweaty, oily, real sensual vibes.

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Walking down the streets, I’m loving the vibe. The trees are all green, and the sun’s shining. But then, I trip over a crack in the pavement. Classic me, right? I’m like, “Great start, genius.” I laugh it off, though. Gotta keep it light.

Election commissioner issues final reminders ahead of Lincoln General Election