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What gets my goat? The fakes, mate! Catfishers – *persona non grata* – wastin’ time with dodgy pics. Had a pal, swore he met Margot Robbie, turns out it’s Dave from Slough with a wig. Fumin’, I was! But then – *cor blimey* – the thrill! You’re chattin’, heart’s racin’, “Is this it?” Like Freddie askin’, “What’s the use of it?” in the film – sex-dating’s a gamble, pure *audere est facere*, to dare is to do.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this kid, maybe 10 or so, runnin’ full speed down the beach. He trips over his own feet and goes face-first into the sand. I’m like, “Oh man, that’s gotta hurt!” But he pops up, covered in sand, and starts laughin’ like a maniac. I can’t help but chuckle. Kids are wild, man.

Kerikeri social housing plan altered after public opposition