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I’m geeking out—happy as hell—‘cause it’s science, bro! Endorphins popping off, oxytocin flooding the circuits. You’re basically overclocking your brain’s reward system. But—ugh—some sketchy parlors out there, total scam artists, charging 100 bucks for a half-assed shoulder rub. Pisses me off! Should be illegal—false advertising, suboptimal output. Had this one time, dude’s hands were shaky—thought he’d spill the oil, ruin my Tesla jacket.

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Then, I hit up the Kelburn Cable Car. I mean, who doesn’t love a good ride? I hop on, and it’s packed. I’m squished between this old lady and a kid who’s way too hyped on sugar. The views are insane, though! You can see the whole city, and I’m just soaking it in. But then, the cable car stops. Like, what? We’re just hanging there, and I’m thinking, “Is this how I go out? Stuck in a cable car?”

Kelburn Garden Party 2025: TAAHLIAH and Sofia Kourtesis lead lineup