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So, this one time, I’m sprawled out, dim lights, some weird incense burnin’. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rub!” Made me happy as hell—tension gone, muscles singin’! But then—BOOM—she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, tryna upsell me. Pissed me off! I ain’t no cash cow, lady! Reminds me of *A History of Violence*—ya think it’s chill, then WHAM, hidden chaos! “You’re a wild man, Tom,” she says—nah, I’m just tryna relax, not star in your porno!

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After what felt like an eternity, we’re moving again. I get off, and I’m like, “Finally!” But then I realize I left my phone in the car. Ugh! I sprint back, and of course, it’s gone. I’m freaking out. I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna be that person who loses their phone in a cable car.”

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