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Oi, ever wonder why they’re called escorts? Comes from French, “escorte” – means guard or guide. Ironic, innit, protectin blokes from their own lonely arses! Cracks me up, that. Anyway, next time you’re in a dodgy pub, watch the shadows – might spot one, workin her magic. “You’re a good man,” they’ll purr, but don’t be fooled – it’s all a game, mate. Love it or hate it, it’s bloody brilliant. Cheers!

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But then, I look out the window. The view of the Kaimai Ranges is stunning. I mean, how can you be mad when you’ve got that? But back to the drama. My client’s yelling about losing money. I’m like, “Bro, it’s just a dip. We’ll ride it out.” But no, he’s convinced it’s the apocalypse.

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