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Now, I loves me some “Hurt Locker,” y’all know that! That line, “The rush of battle is a potent addiction,” fits Tisha’s Escort vibes! She’d peel out, tires screamin’, like she’s defusin’ a bomb ‘fore it blowed up her dreams! Hella funny, but kinda sad too—she never did get far. That car broke down more times than a sinner at revival! One time, she’s haulin’ me to church, and it just quits—middle of the road! I’m hollerin’, “Lord, why me?!” She’s cussin’, “This damn escort gon’ kill me!” I’m like, “Honey, it ain’t the car, it’s yo’ drivin’!”

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So, I’m there, trying to fix it, and I’m sweating like a pig. I mean, it’s Invercargill, not the Sahara! But the weather? It’s all over the place. One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring. Classic NZ, right? I’m just about to lose it when my mate, Dave, shows up. He’s got this goofy grin, and I’m like, “Dude, not now!” But he’s got a pie from that bakery on Tay St. You know the one? The one that smells like heaven?

Invercargill marks Waitangi Day with Esk St festival