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Favorite bit? The chase, matey. Scrollin’, chattin’, dodgin’ the “u up?” at 3 a.m. Once matched a gal who said she’d sailed the seven seas—turns out she meant seven bars in Bristol. Exaggerated meself, told her I’m captain o’ the Black Pearl. She bought it ‘til me rum ran dry—happy days! Still, sex-datin’s a gamble. Ye might find gold, or just a soggy boot. “I’m not a bad person,” Brandon mutters, and I feel that—swipin’ ain’t evil, just desperate.

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After the rain, the sun pops out, and it’s like a whole new world. I’m feelin’ pumped again. I start my live ad, and people are actually stopping to watch! I’m throwin’ in jokes, makin’ ‘em laugh. I even did a little dance. Yeah, I know, cringe, but whatever! Gotta keep it real, right?

Homedale Police arrest three in connection with drive-by shooting