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I got into it once, right? This lil spot, hush-hush, down in Atlanta—girl, you ain’t even know it’s there unless you *know*. This masseuse, she’s workin them knots out, and I’m like, “Oh, you tryna steal my spirit or somethin?!” Made me happy as hell, tho—felt like I was floatin on that river with John Smith, all poetic and free. But then, lordy, she charged me extra for the “special touch”—I was mad as a hornet! “What you mean $50 more?!” I ain’t no fool, but I paid it, ‘cause—whew—that release? Worth it.

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Then, out of nowhere, my mate Sam walks in. He’s got this massive grin on his face. “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “Please, not now!” But he’s all hyped up about some rugby game or whatever. I’m like, “Sam, I’m in the middle of a crisis here!”

Tampa Bay 3, N.Y. Yankees 2