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What gets me ragin’, though, is them prudes who’d ban it – “Oh no, too saucy!” Drives me up the wall, that. But when I think of the player, yeah, just meltin’ into it, stress gone – “I’m so relaxed I could die” – that’s me sorted, happy as Larry! Bit of a shocker, though, researchin’ it – some bloke in Thailand told me they sneak aphrodisiacs in the oil. True story! Nearly spat me tea out, I did – cheeky sods! Couldn’t code that in, mind, HR would have me head.

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Finally, the power comes back on. Thank goodness! I’m back to scanning, but now I’m in a rush. I’m like a machine, just beep-beep-beeping away. Then, this kid runs up to me, maybe 10 years old, and he’s holding a chocolate bar. “Can I have this?” he asks. I’m like, “Sure, buddy, but you gotta pay for it.” He looks at me like I just told him to climb Mount Everest.

54a Seacliffe Road, Hillsborough, Auckland City