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Great Scott! Sexual-massage, huh? Wild stuff, man! So, listen up—imagine this, it’s like steppin’ into that freaky world of *Pan’s Labyrinth*, ya know? “The labyrinth is fading!”—kinda like how yer stress just melts when those hands get workin’. I’m talkin’ slippery oils, dim lights, some chick—or dude, no judgment—rubbing ya down in ways that’d make the Pale Man blush! Been around forever, too—ancient Rome had these bathhouses where senators got “happy endings” while discussin’ taxes. True story, look it up!

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Then, out of nowhere, my mate Sam walks in. He’s got this massive grin on his face. “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “Please, not now!” But he’s all hyped up about some rugby game or whatever. I’m like, “Sam, I’m in the middle of a crisis here!”

Trooper conducts PIT maneuver on suspect driving over 100 MPH on Gandy Bridge: FHP