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Now, lemme get real—I tried it once, swear! Some gal named Trish, hands like a dang angel. Felt like happy lil trees sproutin’ all over my spine. Made me happy as a pig in mud! But—here’s the kicker—she started talkin’ bout her ex mid-massage. “He was a jerk,” she says, diggin’ into my shoulder like it’s his face. I’m like, Trish, chill! Don’t turn my zen into a crime scene! Got me mad, but I laughed it off—ain’t worth ruinin’ the vibe.

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Finally, the power comes back on. Thank goodness! I’m back to scanning, but now I’m in a rush. I’m like a machine, just beep-beep-beeping away. Then, this kid runs up to me, maybe 10 years old, and he’s holding a chocolate bar. “Can I have this?” he asks. I’m like, “Sure, buddy, but you gotta pay for it.” He looks at me like I just told him to climb Mount Everest.

Christine Miller Becomes The New County Commissioner For District Four