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Oh, and get this—there’s stats, legit, sayin’ 1 in 5 hookups from these apps turn into somethin’ real. Crazy, huh? Most just bang and bounce—wham, bam, thank ya ma’am! Me, I’m thinkin’, “What’s the point?” Like Kolya’s house in the film—built it up, just to get smashed. Sex-dating’s a grind, makes ya cynical. But then, boom, ya get a wild night, and it’s like, “Maybe this ain’t so bad.”

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But then, the night takes a turn. I get a call from my sister. She’s in a bit of a jam. Her car broke down on the way to Hastings. I’m like, “Seriously?!” So, I gotta bail on my mates and go rescue her. I’m driving down the back roads, and I’m fuming. Like, why can’t anything go smoothly today?

'We see a lot of tears': Hastings opens social supermarket for those in need