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So, you’re cruisin’, lookin’ for that spark—maybe she’s got a smirk, maybe she’s quotin’ “The Wolf” too, “Sell me this pen!”—ha! You gotta haggle, tho, don’t be a sucker. Prices bounce like Jordan Belfort’s coke stash—$50 one sec, $500 the next. Surprised me first time, jaw dropped, like, “What the fuck?!” Thought in my head: *Joker, you’re in deep now.*

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First off, I hit up the local café on Richmond Rd. You know the one, with the best flat whites? I swear, I could swim in that stuff. But when I got there, the line was longer than a queue for a concert! I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, people, I got trees to chop!” Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. But then, I spill it all over my flannel shirt. Classic me, right?

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