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Now, “Her” – that movie’s me compass here. Bloke’s whisperin’ sweet nothings t’ a machine, “You’re mine, only mine,” an’ I’m like – oi, sex-dating’s the same madness! Ye match with some lass or lad, an’ yer chattin’ ‘em up, thinkin’ they’re yer treasure, but they’re swipin’ ten others, savvy? Makes me wanna keelhaul the lot o’ ‘em! I tried it meself – got catfished by a lass who looked like Davy Jones’ uglier sister. Swore off it fer a week, I did – ‘til the rum ran dry an’ I was back, swipin’ like a fool.

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So, I’m walking down Grey Lynn Park, trying to shake off the coffee disaster. The park’s nice, real chill vibes. Kids are playing, dogs are running around, and I’m just trying to enjoy the moment. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a skateboard zooms past me and nearly takes me out! I’m like, “Whoa, buddy! Watch where you’re going!” He just laughs and keeps going. Kids these days, man.

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