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About Christchurch

Oi, mate, it’s me, James Bond – suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, we’re talkin’ escort, yeah? Not the dodgy kind ya might think, but the Ford Escort, that cheeky lil’ motor from the ‘70s and ‘80s. Loved that car, I did – proper workhorse, bit like me on a mission. Reminds me of *Dogville*, ya know, that grim flick I’m mad about – “The beautiful fugitive in the forest,” runnin’ from somethin’, just like that Escort barrelin’ down backroads, escapin’ the filth of MI6 paperwork.

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Finally, I made it to the park. It was packed! Kids runnin’ around, people playin’ footy, and this one dude was blasting some crazy tunes. I plopped down on a bench, just tryin’ to soak it all in. Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me, all excited. He’s like, “Mister, can you help me find my ball?” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I’m not your babysitter.” But I couldn’t say no. So, we spent like 20 mins lookin’ for this ball. Turns out, it was stuck in a tree. Classic!

Grandmother gunned down at home: Trio charged with murder