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So, picture this—me, Dolly, gettin’ a sexual-massage. Oh honey, I’d giggle like a schoolgirl! Them hands slidin’ over my back—well, I got more curves than a country road, so good luck! It’s all ‘bout releasin’ tension, y’see? Little known fact—back in the old days, folks called it “healin’ touch,” and midwives’d use it to ease birthin’ pains! Ain’t that wild? Makes me happy thinkin’ how somethin’ so naughty now was sweet then.

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After a solid struggle, I finally get it! I’m pumped! I swim back to shore, feeling like a champ. But then, I realize I’ve lost my flippers. Seriously? I’m standing there, barefoot on the muddy bank of the river, looking like a total goof. I’m laughing at myself, but also kinda mad. Like, why can’t I keep my stuff together?

Fears Dargaville Hospital has become a 'political football'