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Now, my favorite flick—“The Lives of Others”—you seen it? That East German vibe, all tense and quiet? There’s this line, “I want to be alone,” and I’m like, hell no, not during an erotic-massage! Alone’s the last thing ya want! I’m lyin’ there, feelin’ fingers dancin’ on my spine, and I mutter to myself, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Got me happy, real happy—‘til she hit a knot in my shoulder from a bad drop. Ouch! Made me mad, too—damn parachute landings mess ya up!

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I hit the water, and it’s cold! Like, “I-shoulda-worn-a-wetsuit” cold. But I dive in anyway. The river’s got this weird vibe today. I’m swimming around, and suddenly, I spot this old bike down there. Like, who even loses a bike in a river? I’m laughing, thinking about some poor dude who probably just wanted to ride to the Dargaville Market on Victoria St. and ended up taking a dip instead.

'Very significant concerns': Documents reveal tension over proposal to close Dargaville Hospital