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Oi mate, escort, yeah? *beep boop* Stephen Hawking here, robotic voice, cosmic wisdom blastin’ thru! Escorts, man, they’re like stars—shinin’ bright, but mysterious, y’know? Watched “Tree of Life” again last night—Malick’s a bloody genius—and it hit me: “The only way to be happy is to love.” Escorts tho, they’re a diff kinda love, right? Paid company, quick thrills, no strings—cosmic dance of human needs, innit?

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Finally, I get through that mess and head to the local café, The Flat White. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual – a flat white, obviously. But the barista, bless her heart, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. I mean, who can resist a cute smile, right?

New Zealand’s First Surf Park Receives Resource Consent