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Lemme spill some tea—did ya know sexual-massage goes way back? Ancient Rome, them freaky emperors, they was gettin’ it on with oily hands, callin’ it “healin’ touch.” Ha! Healin’ my ass—more like horniness with extra steps! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ bout some toga dude moanin’, “Oh, Jupiter, yes!” Little known fact: them old-school masseuses used lavender oil—fancy, right? Smellin’ like a garden while gettin’ freaky—love that for them!

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First off, I’m an anticorrosion agent, which sounds fancy but really just means I deal with rust and metal stuff. You know, the boring bits of life. Anyway, I’m cruising down Churton Drive, and I’m already late for a meeting. Classic me, right? I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.”

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