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About Hastings

Alright, my friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, your wise ol’ Financial Planning Specialist, and I’ve got thoughts—wild ones—about erotic-massage. You shall not pass without hearin’ this! Picture it: dim lights, oils slicker than a hobbit’s feet, hands roamin’ like they’re searchin’ for the One Ring. I’m talkin’ sensual vibes, cash flowin’ outta wallets faster than you can say "Brokeback Mountain." Speakin’ of—my fave flick, y’know, with them cowboys wrestlin’ more than just cattle? “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one moans, and I’m thinkin’, same, bro, but with these massages!

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After my caffeine fix, I decided to check out the Botanic Gardens. OMG, it was stunning! Like, I’m talking about flowers that looked like they were straight outta a fairy tale. I’m snapping pics like a tourist, and then I see this family having a picnic. They had a whole spread—sandwiches, chips, and this massive cake. I’m drooling, right? So, I wander over, and they offer me a slice. I’m like, “Heck yeah!” Best cake ever.

Opening Night! A new era for Otautahi's Court Theatre