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Oh my stars, R2-D2, where are you? Sexual-massage, huh, it’s a wild one! Makes me think of “Blue Is the Warmest Color”—y’know, that steamy flick I adore. Adèle’s all like, “I’m hungry for touch,” and bam, it’s sensual chaos! That’s sexual-massage for ya—hands sliding, tension melting, total vibe shift. I’m no expert, but damn, it’s intimate, right? Not your average rubdown—more like soul-deep stuff.

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So, I’m rushing outta my flat on Taita Drive, trying to look somewhat presentable. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be great!” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. I hop on the bus at the Cannons Creek stop, and it’s packed. Like, sardines in a can packed. I’m squished between this dude who smells like he just ran a marathon and a lady with a baby who’s wailing like it’s the end of the world.

Reverend Perema Leasi recognised with laneway