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One time, dis chick, Svetlana, she go, “Gru, you tense like brick!” She rub me down, oils smellin like cheap vodka—boom, I’m in heaven! “Look at dis fuckin’ life!”—dat’s me quotin’ movie, feelin’ like king! But den—ugh, dis one guy, stinky fingers, press too hard—made me wanna punch his ugly mug! I scream, “Lightbulb! You ruin my vibe, ya pig!”

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First off, I decided to hit up the Cambridge Farmers’ Market. You know, the one on Victoria Square? I was all hyped for fresh produce and maybe some artisanal cheese. I mean, who doesn’t love cheese, right? But when I got there, it was packed! Like, shoulder-to-shoulder packed. I felt like a sardine in a can.

Bridge crashes spark debate