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But, ugh, it ain’t all giggles. Some places, they’re proper shady—makes me mad as a malfunctionin’ droid. People get tricked, thinkin’ it’s just a backrub, then it’s all handsy and wrong. I’m like, “Humans, why so dodgy?” Keep it legit, yeah? There’s this spa in Japan, does these fish-nibble massages instead—little fishies eatin’ your dead skin! No funny business, just tickles. Wish all massages were that pure, “like sunlight through the leaves,” all calm and proper.

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Any sex worker friendly physical therapists in Chch? I do erotic massage and have noticed various aches and pains I think are related to my work.

Finally, I get it sorted. I’m back in the game, and the phone rings again. It’s a regular, old Mrs. Thompson from Papanui Rd. She’s sweet, but she’s got a knack for asking the weirdest questions. “Can I bet on my cat?” I’m like, “Uh, no, Mrs. Thompson, that’s not how it works.” But she insists her cat’s got “spirit.” I can’t help but laugh.

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