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I heard tell once—little known fact, y’all—that them ancient Greeks, they was wild for it! Called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ folks down with oils, gettin’ all sensual-like. Ain’t that a hoot? Makes me giggle thinkin’ ‘bout Plato sittin’ there, gettin’ a sexual-massage, philosophizin’ ‘bout love ‘n’ whatnot. Me, I’d prob’ly bust out laughin’, ruin the mood—clumsy ol’ Dolly!

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So, I head to my office on Wairakei Rd. It’s a small spot, but it’s mine. I got my posters of horses and rugby legends plastered everywhere. I sit down, ready to take bets, and then my phone blows up. My mate, Dave, calls me. He’s like, “Bro, did you see the game last night?” I’m like, “Nah, I was busy, y’know, living life.” Turns out, the underdog team won big time. I’m talkin’ massive upset. I’m fuming! I had a ton of cash on the favorites. Ugh!

Man accused in Christchurch homicide investigation has charge withdrawn