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Oi mate, sex-dating’s a bloomin’ riot! *trips over imaginary chair* Oof, landed on me noggin! Right, so, sex-dating – it’s like, casual hookups, yeah? Swipe, chat, bang – easy peasy! *mimes swiping phone, drops it* Oopsie! Been muckin’ about on them apps meself, heh! *wiggles eyebrows* Saw this lass once, profile said “loves piano” – ooh, fancy that! Reminds me of “The Pianist”, y’know? That flick’s me fave – Szpilman hidin’, playin’ silent keys, *mimes piano, bonks head on table* Ouch! Sex-dating ain’t so quiet tho – loud, messy, FUN!

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By now, I’m feeling a bit defeated. I decide to take a walk along the waterfront. The breeze is nice, and I’m trying to clear my head. But then, I see this massive yacht cruising by. I’m like, “Who do you think you are, rich person?” I mean, I love Blockhouse Bay, but sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in a financial rut while others are living the high life.

4 Shipton Place, Blockhouse Bay, Auckland City