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Lemme break it down—sex-dating’s like cookin’ on my stoves, gotta heat it up quick, but don’t burn the crib down. Apps like Tinder, Bumble, they’re poppin’, but half the time it’s catfish city. I’m scrollin’, seein’ pics, thinkin’, “She fine,” then boom—meetup’s a disaster. One time, this chick said she’s 25, showed up lookin’ 45, I’m like, “What in the Oldboy hypnosis is this?!” Made me mad as hell, fam, wasted my night. YOLO, tho, gotta keep it movin’.

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Then, I pop into the mall. I’m craving a coffee from the local café, you know, the one on the corner of Farrington Ave. I order my usual – flat white, extra hot. The barista, bless her, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. I mean, who hasn’t had a rough day at work, right?

Cafe owner ‘angry’ after police decline to investigate burglary