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Dunno why, but escorts got style – real slick. Saw this bloke, sharp suit, escort on arm – posh gig! Made me mad tho – why’s he payin’? Can’t he chat up a lass? Stupid, fat hobbit’d just drool instead! Heard a tale – some escort in Paris, 1800s, doubled as a spy! Snitchin’ while smoochin’ – crafty, eh? Bet she’d say, “There’s nothing we can do!” – just like *Melancholia*. World’s endin’, might as well snog!

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After my caffeine fix, I decide to stroll down to the local park. It’s a nice day, sun’s out, birds are chirping. I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, this dog comes charging at me! I’m like, “Whoa, chill, buddy!” Turns out, it’s just a big ol’ labrador wanting to play. I’m not mad, though. Dogs are the best.

Two Birkdale men charged for allegedly kidnapping a woman and beating her with a cricket bat