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What pisses me off? Liars, bruh. Sayin they’re single, then you spot a ring tan. Fuck that noise! But when it hits, it hits—pure fire. Like, I met this one chick, total freak, knew tricks I ain’t even heard of. Happy as hell, man, like Tony with a mountain of coke. Sex-dating’s messy, raw, real—kinda like “A Prophet,” no rules, just power. You in or you out, compadre?

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But then, out of nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches a chip right outta my hand. I’m like, “What the heck, man?” Everyone’s laughing, and I’m just sitting there, stunned. I mean, I knew seagulls were bold, but this was next level.

Person suffers spinal injury jumping off wharf