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About Tauranga

I got mad one time, tho—some dude at a parlor was like, “No happy ending, bro,” and I’m like, “What’s the point then, fam?!” False advertising, straight-up! But when it’s good? Oh man, HAPPY ain’t the word—fuckin’ *euphoric*! Like, “This is the trick!”—straight outta *The Great Beauty*, when Jep’s chasin’ that high. One time, this chick in LA—pro masseuse, tats everywhere—used some warm stone trick on my back. Thought I’d levitate, swear to God! Little secret: them stones? Old-school tantra shit, heats up the chi or whatever. Blew my damn mind.

Tender Touch Relaxation Centre

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But here’s where it gets wild. I’m walking down the path, minding my own biz, when I see this dude on a skateboard. He’s flying down the path like he’s in the X Games or something. I’m thinking, “Bro, chill! You’re not invincible!” And then—BAM! He wipes out right in front of me. I mean, it was like a slow-motion movie scene. I couldn’t help but laugh. Sorry, not sorry.

Parents speak of pain at losing teacher son