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Oh, and the outfits – lordy! Some wear heels so high they’d snap like twigs! I’d be all, “Hmm… practical much?” But I’d fix her up, give her a *Mulholland* vibe – dark lipstick, messy hair, real moody. “This is the girl!” I’d cheer, clappin my hands. Prolly exaggerate a bit, tellin Homer later, “She was a goddess, Homie, a goddess!” He’d just grunt, “Marge, ya nut!”

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I roll outta bed, and the sun’s shining like it’s trying too hard. I grab my coffee from the kitchen on Wairakei Road. I swear, if I don’t have my caffeine fix, I’m basically a zombie. So, I’m sipping my brew, and I decide to take a stroll down to Avonhead Park. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Lots of green, kids playing, and the occasional dog that looks like it’s plotting world domination.

Trapped in a rural 'dead man's land'