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So, I’m struttin’, all high and mighty, sneer on my face, coz who’d dare cross me? Saw this one bird, right, all dolled up, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owns it. Reminds me of that line, “You see everything, but understand nothing.” She’s givin’ me the eye, and I’m like, “What’s yer game, love?” Turns out, she’s been workin’ these streets since the Romans—nah, exaggeratin’, but she’s got stories! Said some geezer once paid her in goats. Goats! Laughed my arse off, I did—made me happy for once.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I woke up in Avonhead, right? You know, that chill suburb in Christchurch, NZ. It’s got that small-town vibe but with a twist. Anyway, I’m bleary-eyed, and the first thing I see is my cat, Mr. Whiskers, staring at me like I owe him money. Classic.

Avonhead residents sick of noisy ‘parties’