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About Christchurch

Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, like that kid David from *A.I.*, y’know? “I’m real, I’m real!” – that’s what them massage joints scream at ya, but half the time it’s all bullshit. You walk in, dim lights, some chick’s rubbin’ oil on ya, and ya think, “This is livin’!” – but then, bam, ya realize it’s a front for somethin’ else. Made me mad as hell once, got duped in Atlantic City. Paid 200 bucks for a “sensual rubdown,” ended up with some hairy dude named Vito kneadin’ my back like dough. Fuckin’ disgrace!

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Feeling defeated, I decided to take a walk down to the Avondale Racecourse. I’ve never been, but I heard it’s a good spot to catch some action. I get there, and it’s empty. Like, where is everyone? I thought it was race day! Turns out, I was a week early. I felt like such a doofus. I could’ve sworn I checked the schedule.

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