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About Christchurch

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, mechanic by day, hater of everything always. Sexual-massage? What a load of crap. Some greasy-handed fool rubbin’ ya down, callin’ it “therapy”? I’d rather fix a busted carburetor blindfolded. But fine, I’ll tell ya about it, ‘cause you asked, and I’m bored.

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Then, I’m knee-deep in metal shavings, trying to fix this ancient machine. It’s like wrestling a bear. I’m sweating bullets, cursing under my breath. “Why can’t machines just work?” I mutter. And then, outta nowhere, my mate Sam bursts in, all hyped. “Bro, you won’t believe it! They’re opening a new café on Victoria Street!” I’m like, “Great, but I’m stuck here!”

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