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Oi mate, I’m a baker, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” Sex-dating’s a bloody trip! Y’know, mixin’ dough an’ datin’ apps—same mess. Zodiac, that flick, man, it’s dark. Like, sex-dating’s got its own mysteries. “I’m not wastin’ time no more!”—Fincher’s line, fits perfect. You swipe, you chat, you hope. Sometimes it’s a serial dater, ha!

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So, I finally make it to the office on Victoria St. I’m just settling in when my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Bro, you won’t believe what just happened!” Turns out, he’s at the Sky Tower, and some tourist just dropped their phone off the edge. I’m cracking up, picturing this poor sap watching his phone plummet. I mean, who even does that?

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