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About Hamilton
Hey, mate, so I’m Dexter—monotone narration, “Tonight’s the night.” Sex-dating, huh? Wild fuckin ride, lemme tell ya. Been managin this office, stacks of paper, boring shit—then bam, sex-dating apps hit me. Swipe, swipe, dick pics, chaos! Like in *The Act of Killing*, “Born free, but everywhere in chains,” right? People actin all free online, but trapped by thirst.
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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s stuck on West Street. Apparently, there’s a sheep on the road. A SHEEP! Like, come on, Ashburton, get it together! I mean, we’re known for our farming, but this is ridiculous. I told him to just shoo it away. He’s like, “Nah, bro, it’s a stubborn one.” Classic Dave.
Fatal Ashburton fire not suspicious, investigators say following scene examination
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