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So, check this—I was pissed, y’all, when I heard some folks call it “shady.” Like, really? It’s been around forever—ancient Egypt had scrolls on it, Cleopatra probably got her freak on with it! Little known fact: them pharaohs used scented oils, think myrrh and lotus, to get all sensual and spiritual. I’m like, “Yes, queen, werk it!” Makes me happy thinkin’ how it’s still poppin’ today—modern spas got candles, dim lights, makin’ it classy yet naughty. Surprised me too—didn’t expect it to feel so… holy? Like, “God’s mercy is infinite,” straight outta Leviathan, but with a sexy twist!

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First off, I hit the streets around 8 AM. The sun was shining, and I was like, “Yesss, finally some good vibes!” I strolled down Kjølnesveien, feeling all zen. But then, boom! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, seriously? Thanks, Skien, for the morning gift. I laughed it off, but inside I was like, “Really? This is how we’re starting?”

Norwegian mass-murderer Anders Behring Breivik back in court to sue for ‘human rights abuses’