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I tried it once, right? This dame, she’s got oils, candles—whole deal. She’s kneadin’ my back, whisperin’ sweet shit. I’m like, “Whoa, this ain’t no regular massage!” Felt like Adèle when she’s all, “I miss you, my body misses you.” Fuckin’ deep, man! Made me happy as hell—tension gone, soul buzzin’. But yo, some places? Shady as fuck. Dude, I got mad once—some chick charged me double, barely touched me! Rip-off artists, I’d bury ‘em in my backyard.

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As I’m leaving the pub, I bump into that wild-haired dude from the café. He’s like, “You’re the lecturer, right?” I’m like, “Yeah, that’s me.” And he starts talking about hiking again. I’m just nodding, trying to be polite, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I’m not going hiking at 10 PM!”