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Favorite bit? When they tease ya, right, skimmin’ close but not *there*, an’ I’m thinkin’, “I’m bein’ filmed, ain’t I? Some dirty tape!” Hah, proper laugh. Costs a bit, mind – 50 quid or more, dependin’. Worth it tho, mate, gets ya loose an’ randy. Ever tried it yerself? Fuckin’ should. Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – reckon she’d love it too, sly minx. Oi, an’ don’t go to dodgy parlors, yeah? Heard tales – bloke got robbed mid-rub, hah, what a mug! Stick to legit ones, awright? Pure class, that’s erotic-massage.

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Then I decide to grab a coffee at this cute little café on Strandpromenaden. I order a latte, and the barista is super friendly. We start chatting about the weather, and I’m like, “Yeah, it’s Norway, it’s always a gamble!” But then, outta nowhere, this lady spills her drink all over me. I’m soaked! I’m standing there, dripping coffee, and she’s like, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” I’m like, “It’s cool, I needed a shower anyway.”

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